Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks! Today there are many concerns about the ever
growing sense of entitlement instead of the sense of community, and hard work
ethic of past generations. So how can
you begin to instill in your children as sense of caring and appreciation?
As always the best way to teach children is through role
modeling. Is “thank you,” a regularly
used phrase around your house? Do you as
a parent show appreciation for a job well done?
Bedtime is a great time to share stories about what you are thankful for
and to ask children about things that occurred during the day that made them
feel thankful. At Kangaroo Kids every family brings in a can or box of food to school before Thanksgiving that is donated to the local food bank. Even young children can learn to appreciate what they have and to help others that are less fortunate.
Here are some great ideas from Homa Tavangar, “10 Ways to Raise Grateful Kid.”
When my favorite uncle
first met my daughter, then age three, he enthusiastically hugged her and gave
her a toy he'd brought all the way from Uganda. My daughter wouldn't even hold
it, let alone say "Thank you." I was mortified.
My daughter is now 17,
and looking back, I realize that many factors could have contributed to her
behavior: being unprepared for such exuberance, her natural shyness and
biology. Kids under seven have difficulty understanding others' feelings and
being internally motivated to do the right thing. Nonetheless, parents can
actively, gently instill a sense of gratitude.
The matter goes way
beyond etiquette. According to research by the Greater Good Science Center at
UC Berkeley, "people who practice gratitude feel considerably happier
(25%) than those in a control group; they are more joyful, enthusiastic,
interested, and determined."
An attitude of gratitude
helps us thrive. Try these steps to instill a mind-set of gratitude in your
little ones.
1.
Say "Thank
you." When "thank yous" are instilled in our vocabulary at home,
a lifelong practice begins, even if it doesn't stick at first. You can gently
restate a sentence with polite language inserted, or suggest saying "Thank
you" together.
2.
Live it. Set an example
and show appreciation by conveying you paid attention to real effort:
"Your room looks so nice with the toys in their bins. I'm so happy that
you remembered to put them away!"
3.
Teach through role play.
If your little one is too shy to say "thank you" in a social setting,
they can pretend to teach their stuffed animals or dolls to do so, while you
play along.
4.
Create daily or weekly
routines. A regular question, "What are you most thankful for today?"
can serve as a comforting routine at bedtime or a highlight of a weekly dinner
ritual.
5.
Give concrete examples.
At dinner, you can play the Rose and Thorn game, where the person whose turn it
is to speak holds a rose and tells about one rose (a good thing) and one thorn
(a challenging thing). A metaphor like the rose helps children develop gratitude
even when things aren't going their way. Keeping the rose in a vase all week
serves as another reminder of coping with natural ups and downs. Books like The
Giving Tree, Have You Filled a Bucket Today? and Mama Panya's Pancakes offer
simple, powerful metaphors of virtues.
6.
Set expectations when
shopping. Melanie Etemad of Bryn Mawr, PA shared a useful approach that her
husband, a psychiatrist, came up with when their daughter Elyse was just two:
"We’d say today is a 'look' day. Just like going to the museum, we enjoy
the beautiful things, but we aren't planning to buy anything. ... We also tried
to ensure that there were more 'look' days than 'buy' days, specifically to
inoculate against the idea of always buying things, knowing that it breeds
discontent. Now, at age six, Elyse knows that most of the time when we go out,
we are not necessarily planning to buy anything and has the habit to ask if
today is a 'look' day or a 'buy' day."
7.
Make giving and
volunteering a habit. Set aside toys and clothing in good condition. Deliver
the items to a deserving cause together. Talk about the process and why you
care. Tap into organizations like Global Giving that offer a virtual
marketplace for making a difference.
8.
Create gratitude gift
lists. Alongside a holiday or birthday gift wish list, for every item, family
members can list something they are grateful for. These are the
"priceless" gifts. By generating the list in a beautiful way, you
demonstrate how valuable the alternate list is; it can be a keepsake for years
to come.
9.
Thank those who serve.
Your example of acknowledging those who quietly make a difference in your life,
from the bus driver to the person sweeping up the aftermath of a family lunch
out, sends a powerful message to your children. Likewise, organizations like
Operation Gratitude and Blue Star Families remember those serving in the
military. Kathy Roth-Douquet, Founder and Chair of Blue Star Families, says,
"In addition to a thank-you letter, we ask the participant to pledge to do
some form of community service ... thanks and appreciation is best when it
involves action, and a sense of all being in a worthwhile effort
together."
10.
Be patient. Kids can't
be cajoled into showing appreciation, but your gentle efforts and examples will
instill gratitude as a way of life.
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