Children Thrive on Structure

Many times as parents or teachers we want to give our children a great deal of freedom in decision making. Although freedom of choice can have benefits, it is important to remember, "Children thrive on structure," according to school psychologist Laura Marchese, at a workshop at Kangaroo Kids Child Care and Learning Center. Structure makes children feel more secure. It lets them know what to expect. If your child is having a difficult time getting ready in the morning, try creating a sequence chart with photos of him or her doing each expected behavior. This will be both fun and a learning experience. And, if you stick to it consistently, over time your morning routine should improve!

When it comes to choice, children can be overwhelmed by too many choices. As the parent or the teacher, you must make decisions based on what is best for the child and then give our child choices. For example, if you want your child to eat healthy foods, instead of saying, "What do you want to eat for dinner?” give two healthy choices, "Would you like carrots or peas with your dinner?" Instead of giving your child the opportunity to make any choice for what he or she would like to do on Saturday, you can offer two choices.

Laura also recommended positive, specific praise as the most useful behavior management tool you can use. Catch children doing it right! Many times we address inappropriate behavior instead of complimenting good behavior. If your child is wiggling around at an inappropriate time, instead of saying, "Stop wiggling.” try to wait for the moment he or she stops, and instead say, "I love how nicely you are sitting." If there is a sibling or classmate involved, give the child behaving appropriately over the top, enthusiastic, positive, specific praise, “Joey, I love the way you are sitting!” In the majority of cases, the child behaving inappropriately will correct his or her behavior to gain the positive praise. Make sure that as soon as the child behaving inappropriately begins to behave appropriately, you reward him with enthusiastic, positive, specific praise.

According to Laura, if you create a culture of positive, specific praise, and you do it consistently, you should see change overtime.